Sweating Pocari

I was on the subway a couple days ago and two old men got on, one tall and thin, the other short and pudgy. They took up impressive stances in the center of the car and began talking shit about everyone their gaze landed on. They reminded me of those two old muppets, up in the balcony, always hating on Kermit and the gang. I couldn't understand them, but you can recognize old man shit talking.

"Look at that girl, her skirt is too short!"
"I wouldn't let my daughter out dressed like that!"
"But I sure would let her in dressed like that!"
"Ho ho ho!"

"Look at that lady with the shopping bag from the beauty salon!"
"It's gonna take a lot more than one bag to help her!"
"Ho ho ho!"

"Look at that tall white guy!"
"He's probably here to find a Korean wife!"
"Hey, if you're interested, you can take mine!"
"Ho ho ho!"

I decided to get out of civilization and spend a nice day on the beach. My goal was to get to Sokcho in the Northeast of Korea, but after a half day of shuttling back and forth between express bus terminals and pretending to be French-Canadian I gave up on that plan. Then I saw a bus heading to the airport. I knew it was on an island off of Incheon, so without any thought at all to my destination beyond the airport, I hopped aboard equipped only with a bottle of my favorite Korean energy drink, Pocari Sweat.

By the time we arrived, I had decided my perfect beach was going to be a rather remote fishing village accessible only by ferry on the south western tip of airport-island. I bussed it down there and ferried my way over. More seagulls than people, for sure. Once on that island, Muui, I realized there was an even more remote island that could be walked to during low-tide, so again, very little thinking, just action. The picture above is the path one takes from Muui to Simil. Feels like you're headed to meet with Jeff Probst and vote someone out of the tribe.

I ended up having an awesome afternoon and evening on the beach. I explored rocks and tide pools, read Cormac McCarthy, and got drunk with a Dutch couple. Only two of these three things illustrate the darkness in man's heart.

The next day I was awoken by the sun and after an hour and a half of walking and ferrying, a very nice Korean couple picked me up on the side of the road and brought me back to the airport, where another express bus was waiting to take me home. It was the best kind of mini-vacation; no planning, no stress, lots of fun!

Here's Seoul Tower

Is it possible to put more than one picture in the same post?

I Speak French

Outside my school a few days ago, I saw a man in a giant-headed chef's costume making balloon swords and dueling children while somebody on a PA system screamed about something. I have no doubt that if I knew what the hell was going on, I'd be far less amused.

This vacation has so far been awesome. I'm really digging getting to know the area without having to worry about, well, going to work every day. I've been hanging out in the park playing guitar and one night a woman sat down on the bench with me and started clapping. It took me about half an hour, but with my limited Korean and her limited English (assisted by her son who she kept calling on her cell) I learned that she wanted to sing along while I played Korean pop music and she learned that I do not know any Korean pop music on guitar. While on the topic, please follow this link for a taste...

As I mentioned previously, the Science Museum outside Anyang is freakin' awesome, so I wanted to return. Unfortunately, no one told me that museums in Korea close on Mondays. Above is a picture of me outside the museum. Sigh.

Thus began several days of exploring Seoul. My traveling companions suggested we check out the Seoul Tower, highest point in town. Definitely worth the sky-gondola ride up. An interesting tradition at the base of Seoul Tower involves couples bringing a padlock, writing love notes on it, and locking it to the fence surrounding the tower. There are hundreds of thousands of padlocks. It is really a fascinating sight.

Now, in order to get to this and the other fascinating sights I will write about in subsequent posts, one must ask for directions. Remember how it took me half an hour to figure out that Korean woman wanted me to play music with her? Imagine trying to explain that you want to take a bus to the largest water park in the world. Luckily, Seoul has white people wandering around. The thing is, they're mostly Euros. So far my piss-poor French skills are getting me further in talking to strangers than my English. I've met Belgians, Swiss, Dutch, and actual Frenchies. We speak French and point a lot. I suppose I did meet a guy from Texas, but with him I pretended to be French-Canadian.

A lot has happened in the last couple days, so expect another few posts soon...

I can take pictures

Today I found a terrific multilevel department store called NewCore. Now I have a digital camera.

Acro Towers is a massive landmark in Anyang. Tall and attractive. Like the flower statue nearby.

Grocery Auction

Like many young American men who come here, I have fallen in love with a Korean woman. I don't even know her name, but I see her all over the place, and she thinks I should drink more. I call her Soju Girl. Smiling from posters and billboards, she uses her charm and bared midriff to sell (and boost) the national spirit.

Knox school, and every other school in the country to my understanding, have closed for a week of summer vacation. I am looking forward to relaxing and exploring Anyang a little less hurried. Today, for example, I went to the E-Mart, another giant department store, which has adjacent to it a music store, where I bought strings for the thirty dollar guitar I bartered for at the central park weekend swap meet.

I decided I would return to my apartment from E-Mart on foot, and this was a mistake. After approximately two hours of walking in what was very possibly the right direction, I saw before me... the E-Mart again! I had somehow walked in a gigantic and bold circle. Something about crossing the same canal twice should have given it away. It ended up being a four dollar cab ride home. I will attempt this journey again once I have a bicycle.

I also made my first grocery shopping expedition this afternoon and was amazed by the majesty of the place. In the produce/butcher area is a man on a headset yelling at full speed, with his voice being broadcast though not just the store but around the block. Imagine going to Safeway and hearing "FISH FISH FISH! IT'S ON SALE! THIS LADY IS ABOUT TO BUY BUY BUY SOME FISH! SHE DIDN'T! SHE WILL BUY INSTEAD SOME... SHE WILL BUY SOME... LETTUCE! WE HAVE LETTUCE! LETTUCE LETTUCE LETTUCE! IT'S ALSO ON SALE!" and the like. It makes me feel like the whole grocery buying experience is some kind of auction.

I picked up some eggs, a bacon-y looking cut of pork, some beautiful looking heirloom tomatoes, and other similar articles. Tomorrow, with the assistance of the french press my coffee-loving sister sent me off with, I will construct my first western-style breakfast in my apartment. This will be fun.

And now, what you've all been waiting for. Another edition of:

Korean T-Shirts with Strange English Sayings on them:

"Are you Funky 3-Days"
"Vintage Spirit Bang Bang"
"Light Hearted Pole Emporium"
and my new favorite
"Eat me Pig"

The "Eat-Me Pig" might possibly be the mascot for a restaurant I walk past everyday. On their sign is a cartoon porker with gestures and an expression which can only mean "Who's got two thumbs and wants you to eat him? This guy!" And while on the topic of eating out, the other night I went to a place called Tofu House with English descriptions on the menu. I was tempted by a dish called "The cheese it puts and the chicken meat with the roasting and seasons" but instead went for seafood soup.

In a few days I plan on hopping a bus to Sokcho, a beach city on the east coast rumoured to have some of the very finest outdoorsy stuff around.

Fancy New Apartment

At the crosswalk yesterday, I passed a man on a moped with an entire muffler and tailpipe from a car strapped to the back. His ghetto blaster, bungeed to the moped, was blasting country western. This is why I like to walk everywhere.

This weekend I moved into my apartment. I miss the Bobos, although the commute to work is now about a third of the time. Our neighborhood is called Baekjae Samgyetang, which has something to do with a really popular chicken soup place about a block from the flats. This is pretty much the equivalent of telling a cab driver back home to just drop you off at the Red Lobster. "No, seriously, I live right around the corner!" "Sure you do, pal. You live for those all you can eat popcorn shrimp."

My apartment can best be described as "college dorm minimalism". It is a perfectly pleasant one-room unit where the kitchen is the bedroom is the living room. Luckily the bathroom is its own enclosure, however the sink area, toilet area, and shower area are all one area. This Korean design is very practical. I spent most of Sunday decorating and arranging and I must say it already feels like home. Just a home without a bidet.

All you can drink Rice Wine

Today on the subway a Korean man said some things (in Korean) and made a peculiar gesture at me. My companions told me two things. 1) He was complimenting my nose and 2) This is totally normal here.

On Friday all of Knox' preschool and kindergarten students went fieldtripping to a phenomenal science museum. Just walking toward the front doors, you feel the might of Asian Tiger science and industry. We spent only a few hours and saw maybe a fifth of the museum. Most of the exhibits are interactive and I had to wait for the kids to play with them before I got a turn. So yeah, I will be going back there. Actually, I probably had more fun that most of the kids, who are too short and young to have the perspective I do (whoa language).

I got my official teaching schedule and things are about what I expected. Little kids, littler kids, with the reading and the writing and then fourth grade science. The surprise came in the form of an additional memo from my boss. I have been given a special sixth grade college-prep(!) class based on the international English-speaking university exam, the TOEFL. After accepting that I will never understand why sixth graders are studying this stuff, I cracked open the book...

It was dinner time and I challenged myself to go out and eat alone at a place with no English on the menu and no foreigners around. Another grill-on-the-table BBQ type joint. I just pointed at something for eight bucks and asked for a beer. As I read the TOEFL study guide at my table, I was perspiring. My sweat stains mark my progress through the book because for one, this stuff is really really difficult and also, this meal was the spiciest thing I have ever eaten. Whole baby squid, swimming in a pool of chili paste. I would have been wiping the tears from my eyes, if my fingers hadn't been burning.

That night my co-workers and I went out on the town to bid farewell to those heading home. A year teaching English in Korea is a long time, and they've all become dear friends. Hell, in a week I feel very close already to some of these folks. Bars, clubs, and a particularly inspired Rod Stewart karaoke session later, I was ready to catch a few hours sleep before my big Saturday in Seoul.

Myself and a few other teachers took a subway into the city at the crack of noon. On the subway I saw people selling arm warmers (it is 80 degrees and massively humid), magnifying glasses for cell phones, and puppies. I tried to make a joke and name one of them "dinner" but I don't think I was understood. There is a point on the subway ride when the train exits the tunnels and crosses a river. To our right was the Olympic Stadium from '88. I was finally in Seoul proper, one of the most international cities in the world, and we were headed for one of the most international joints around, the foreigners' casino.

Gambling is illegal for Koreans, but that doesn't stop them from taking money from the rest of us. The hotel and casino were swanky-posh and chock full of Japanese folk. All of the food (amazing) and drinks (pomegranate rice wine served by Little Bo Peep in Fishnets dressed Korean gals) were free. We also managed to convince the very pleasant director of the hotel's weddings and events department to give us a tour so we could plan our conference next spring. This was far out! The hotel's event halls are gorgeous and one was decked out to the nines for a traditional Korean family's "Baby's First Birthday" party. Awesome garb all around.

Tomorrow I move into my apartment. I'm gonna miss the Motel Bobos. It'll be nice to get settled in for real, but there are certain small luxuries which I am coming to rely on. My linens being changed, for example. Or the giant flat screen TV (broadcasting nonsense, 24-7). Or the huge modern bathroom. Oh the bathroom. They are gonna have to pry my cold dead hands off the auto-warming seat of the bidet. Monday I start teaching without supervision (or a clean, warm butt). Good luck and Godspeed, self.

I Teach

The McDonalds' D-Day sign is definitely counting down. In 16 days, I am not going anywhere near that place.

Today was my first day running the classroom. I taught four classes of kindergarten and two classes of first grade. It was absolutely amazing! My observing teacher told me I was glowing the whole time. The kids are so excited to learn and really enjoy engaging the subjects. During a reading lesson using folktales (how the raven carried the sun up into the sky) a six year old girl raised her hand and explained that before Galileo, people used the think that the sun revolved around the earth but that it is actually the other way around. So I taught them the word "heliocentric". And they totally dug it!

During another class, we were writing letters to a friend and one student chose to write a letter to me. Maybe he was kissing up, but I don't care. I felt like I'd just won the lottery, then given the money to charity, and then been given another batch of lottery money from God for being awesome.

My wanderings around Anyang have taken me to some interesting places. I found an incredible coffee shop with green tea lattes, a traditional Korean diner with fried pork cutlets stuffed with tomatoes and cheese, and Orga, the Korean branch of Whole Foods. This place has dozens of colorful fruits and veggies all vacuum sealed in funny little tubes. I will be for sure doing some hardcore grocery shopping when I get settled into my apartment.

Speaking of shopping, I made a luxury item purchase this evening: a fancy designer watch. This is necessity in the classroom and it looks cool. The brand is French, loosely translates to "The Sporting Cock". This brings me to what I hope to develop into a regular feature on this blogue: Korean T-Shirts with Strange English Sayings on Them!

Korean T-Shirts with Strange English Sayings on Them:

Fuzzy Patrol
Enter Your Risk
Janpan Restroom
Lohan Princess (with a picture of Lindsay Lohan)
I Am Style Express Express

This is just a sample of the surreal shit that appears on people's clothing. English writing is everywhere, it just doesn't always make a lot of sense. For example, next to my school is a little lunch window serving bizarre kimchi and pork bun things. Its name? Western Hotdog. Now, there is nothing western about this dish, in theology or geometry. There is, however, a cartoon of a cowboy hotdog on their sign.

It came to my attention today that our school will be going on a field trip this Friday to a children's museum. This will without doubt be another strange and wonderful place for me to glow in. Stay tuned for all that and more!

First day at the Knox School

There I was, naked and sweating, nodding my head to the haunting melody of the equally naked singing old man. But I'm skipping ahead.

Today was my first day at Knox, the hagwon I'm teaching at. This week is mostly observation as I get to know the students whose teacher I'll be replacing. These little buggers are beyond adorable. Korean children are the cutest children I've ever been around. Their English is really impressive. I've decided if I ever need translation at a store or restaurant, I'm gonna be looking around for a kindergartner.

Speaking of restaurants, I've tried a few more Korean goodies. Most especially of note is the sweet and sour double bacon sammich at McDonalds. Yeah, I ate at a McDonalds, but I ordered things that don't exist back home. There is a suspicious sign on the wall back in the employee area that reads "D-Day 19". Next time I'm in there I'm gonna take note as to whether this sign is counting up or down.

I've also done several Korean barbeque meals. Now, this is not true BBQ; it is grilling, and they do it damn well. Pork belly and onions and garlic, along with grilled kimchi, all for the wrapping up in lettuce leaves. This stuff is cheap and yummy. I'm gonna be living like a king, at least in regards to dining.

Yesterday being my last day of tourism before the job began, I made it a goal to find one of the famed Korean saunas. This was an extraordinarily difficult task given my apparent inability to mime "sauna" but my two plus hours of searching were all worth it when my tired body hit the steaming water. In Koren saunas, everybody gets naked with their own gender-folk and soaks in differently temperatured pools. There are also these terrific steam rooms, where I encountered the old singing man.

Back to today's workday, I got assigned to replace a particularly organized Canadian gal. I worked up a decent week's lesson plan for the first graders and was shocked when she just up and used it. Seems that I think just like a seven year old Korean child! Did I mention how adorable they are? Because they are. Also, they all pointed out how tall I am.

Right now we are experiencing the monsoon season. Most tourist literature touts Korea's Four Unique Seasons, but I'm thinking monsoon is the fifth. It is warm and pouring and will apparently keep going like this for another couple weeks. Walking home from work in shirt and tie, soaking from a combination of sweat and rainwater was not at all pleasant, but I'm still digging the novelty of everything enough (the street my hotel is on is like walking through the inside of a pinball machine) that I wasn't bothered.

By this time next week I will be teaching classes completely on my own, but for the rest of this week I'm gonna stay paired up. So far, so good. I've always had strong positive inclinations toward teaching and I really think I'm gonna dig this English instruction gig. Until next time, your working boy, Matt.

Day 1

This afternoon a giant pile of sand appeared in front of my hotel. But I'm skipping ahead.

Yesterday evening I arrived in Anyang-si, a city of about 600,000 a half hour south of Seoul. I have moved to Korea to teach English at a private school, called a "hagwon" where kids cram outside of their regular studies. For the next year I will be an expat, reinforcing the myth of the ugly American and trying to order anything at McDonalds that isn't made with dog.

I'll be staying in an apartment provided by the school, but until those accommodations are ready, I'm in a love motel called Bobos. Here in South Korea, most young people live with their families until they marry, so there are dozens of inexpensive hotels for couples to enjoy a night together. My room has a huge red dome light above the bed.

Last night after dropping off my things and showering off the twelve hour plane flight, I went out with a few of my employers and coworkers. We were in a bar district called, to the best of my phonetics, bum-gay, where I got my first glimpse of Korean nightlife. Women wear high heels and high skirts and giggle constantly. Men hold each other up and sing. It's quite bromantic. Watching a trio of dudes with arms around each others' shoulders maneuver through a crowd from one bar to the next reminded me of playing with a Ouiji board ("I'm not moving it!" "You must be moving it!" "Well, it can't be moving itself!").

We ended up at a brand new bar which in its three weeks of being open has become the spot for foreigners to throw up on Koreans. I met two Irish guys (who told me I was James Bond) and a South Afrikaner who looked like a Nazi version of me. So to the Irish guys he probably looked like Daniel Craig. In the bathroom a Korean apologized to me for his friend, who was vomiting in the toilet. I practiced my Korean on him. All I know are "hello", "sorry", and "thank you", but these were all appropriate.

I woke up this morning in a strange country with a familiar hangover. Went for a solid walk around town trying to find the apartment I'd be moving into (unsuccessful) and the school I'd be teaching at (further un-success). I ate lunch at Lotte Mart, a sort of big box store with a cafeteria. I'm quickly realizing that Koreans love to overserve. I guess if you finish everything in your meal, then they perceive that they didn't make enough for you. My crab and egg and sprout soup came with kimchi, oily nuts, and a couple patties of white gelatinous sponge. Stuff yourself for four and a half bucks.

This afternoon I decided to hike the big mountain near my hotel. It is a humbling experience to be passed by the elderly as you lean against a tree gasping for breath. I'm gonna blame it on the humidity. It is hell of humid here. And the old folks are really fit. At the top of the mountain I got to get a sense for the city and its surroundings. Beautiful green hills all around; the city was built in a valley of sorts. It could have been dear old Portland Oregon if not for the cookie cutter apartment complexes and neon signs encouraging me to drink soju.

When I got back to my hotel, the giant pile of sand had appeared. Two kids were drawing on it and a policeman was standing nearby talking to a guy and gesturing at the pile with his grape drink. My comprehension's not so good, but I got the gist of the conversation. Somebody is in trouble about that sand. My goal for this evening is to successfully order another meal (and not accidentally upgrade my cell phone plan- it's hard to tell what kind of establishment you're entering from the street). There is a bar on my block with a bunch of Korean written on it and one big graffiti style English phrase: "WHY U NOT DRINK". I don' know if this is a question or if the bar inside is an example. I intend to find out.