Mr. Kim's Adventures: Peeing Around the World

Last week I was at the sauna with another English teacher. As we wandered from one bath to the next, a Korean man waved us over and began explaining what kind of bath he was currently in. It took me a few moments to realize that he was not teaching me the Korean word for "Salt Water" but instead trying to say "ocean". It was pretty cool. We sat down for a visit and soon learned the man was named Mr. Kim.

Following the typical format of broken English conversation, we first established that yes, we were both American whereas Mr. Kim was Korean. Mr. Kim explained to us that he is a train engineer, or so I thought. Then he started telling stories. His first story involved being in the United States and trying to find a bathroom. He stood up in the salt water bath and made a pretty accurate charade of being a Korean man who needs to find a bathroom and speaks very little English.

His next story involved being in the Philippines. Again, Mr. Kim had to pee. Because this story took place after his experience in America, he had learned to ask for the "bathroom". But in the Philippines, apparently the bathroom is called something else. I think he said comfort room, but it could have been anything, really.

Then Mr. Kim told us about going to England. Once again, he was struck by the need to go to the bathroom. At this point I was a little concerned about being in a body of water with a man who has weak bladder that defies borders. In England bathrooms are called water closets. Mr. Kim learned more English.

But then Mr. Kim was in France, visiting his brother, I think, who might work there. They must have gotten separated because when the inevitable call of nature struck Mr. Kim, he was without verbal means of communicating his predicament. Now, having spent a few minutes with him, he seemed very capable of expressing the need to pee, but I've heard some French people are assholes. This is where I inserted some of my terrible French. "You needed to ask, 'Ou etait la toilette?'"

Mr. Kim was extremely pleased and decided that this knowledge on my part (despite my likely tense errors) meant that I was French. He invited my companion and me to a dinner party. So we left the Sauna with Mr. Kim. It was during the leaving of the Sauna that I realized he was tremendously drunk.

So then Mr. Kim took us out for dinner. We had Korean BBQ and beer and he told us more stories. From his business card I learned he is not a train engineer (although that may be a hobby) but an executive consultant for a design firm. Over the meal he also mentioned that he is a government certified chiropractor. Or possibly a specialist in aggressive interrogation.